


Disgust is Not an Easily Shaken Emotion

by Overlord_of_Pairings



Category: Dude That's My Ghost!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Heavy Angst, M/M, Mild Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2019-02-06 15:12:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12820236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Overlord_of_Pairings/pseuds/Overlord_of_Pairings
Summary: ...Especially not when it's directed at yourself.-3 times Billy Joe Cobra was disgusted with himself, 1 time he wasn't.





	Disgust is Not an Easily Shaken Emotion

**One**

* * *

It was Thanksgiving. Billy Joe Cobra, like any non-famous, non-rockstar in America, was spending it with family.

Not... Close family. He never did like them. No, he was spending today with distant relatives - the Wright family. And, if he was being honest, he was only there to spend time around one person...

"Billy!" Spencer called, the ten-year-old so full of energy as he ran up to Billy's side. "Come watch a movie with me, mom says the food won't be done for a while!"

Billy smiled. He could never say no to Spencer. "Whatever you want, little bro."

Spencer smiled even brighter, and Billy fought down the disgusting, horrid feelings inside him. Spencer was ten. He was seventeen. Not only that, but they were  _related_.

Spencer tugged Billy into his room, and Billy had to force away dirty thoughts that sprung to his mind. But Spencer was, apparently, hell-bent on not making this easy on him.

Once the movie was in the DVD player, Spencer apparently saw fit to seat himself in Billy's lap.

In. Billy's. Lap.

Billy awkwardly cleared his throat, but what could he say? Spencer wouldn't know what he'd done wrong if Billy just shoved him to the side, and he couldn't just explain it, either. He resigned himself to his fate, and just hoped that the kid wouldn't squirm too much.

...Needless to say, he squirmed a lot.

Billy couldn't help but see this as some punishment from above. That was what this was. A punishment, or some kind of test to see what he would do.

Though he didn't do anything to Spencer, to this day he still feels like he failed the test.

He gently lifted Spencer up and off of him, placing him down on the bed, and standing up. "I have to go to the bathroom," he lied, and then he rushed to the nearest bathroom before Spencer could reply.

There in the bathroom, he sat on the toilet and counted slowly to ten, and calmed his racing heart. It did nothing for his erection, but it helped get his thoughts in order.

He couldn't go out there with an erection. All the family would know was that he'd run off to be alone with Spencer and come back with his cock hard. That wouldn't look good. But he couldn't... Take care of it.

He couldn't.

He squirmed nervously. But he also couldn't just wait for it to go down. Spencer would get upset if he was gone too long.

Resigning himself to his place in hell, Billy undid his jeans, pushed them down along with his underwear, and wrapped a hand around his cock. Unbidden, an image of Spencer sprang to his mind.

Don't get him wrong - he didn't actively try to imagine his distant cousin's son as he got off. He tried to think of literally anything else - but his mind kept going back to Spencer.

He came with Spencer on his mind.

...He had to get out.

He washed off his hand quickly, and then hightailed it out of the bathroom. He was about to make it to the front door when he heard...

"Billy?"

Billy tensed. Turned. There was Spencer, looking utterly wounded that Billy was trying to leave already.

"We haven't even had dinner," Spencer mumbled. "You already gotta go?"

Billy's heart clenched. "Uh, yeah, 'fraid so. Sorry, little bro..." He swallowed thickly. Then, knowing Spencer would want one anyway, he pulled the kid into a hug. "I promise I'll be back soon, okay? Before Christmas even!"

"You don't even celebrate Christmas," Spencer mumbled, a smile on his face despite his words. He hugged Billy back, and Billy felt something inside him both jump for joy and shoot itself.

Billy pulled away from the hug one second too late, but Spencer didn't notice. "Bye, Spence."

And he left.

* * *

**Two**

* * *

It had been years since what Billy mentally referred to as the 'Thanksgiving incident'. He was dead now. He hadn't thought about it since before that stage light fell on him.

Then Spencer decided to bring it up, the cheeky little bastard.

"Hey, Billy?" Spencer said, voice tentative. "You remember the last Thanksgiving you spent with my family?"

Abruptly, Billy stopped strumming his guitar. "Uh... N-no, can't say I do, brojangles!"

Spencer paused, stared at Billy for a second, then uttered a soft, "Oh."

Billy hesitated. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, I mean, I just kinda... Realized something..." Spencer sighed softly. "Never mind. It'd just be awkward to talk about it if you don't remember."

Billy awkwardly cleared his throat. "I mean, I have a... Vague recollection of it," he said. A lie. He remembered every moment of it, but he didn't want to admit it.

Spencer sighed, glancing to the side. "This is gonna eat me up inside if I don't bring it up, so..." He closed his eyes. In, out. Billy watched the movement of his chest as he calmed himself using breathing techniques. "Billy, you... You got hard. With me in your lap."

Silence, eery, terrifying silence, fell on the pair.

"Yeah," Billy said, voice soft and fragile, "I did."

Spencer tapped idly on his knee, staring up at the ghost, waiting for an explanation. When none came, he prompted him with, "Why?"

Billy gave a bitter laugh. "Why do you think, Spencer? I'm in love with you. I have been all this time."

He covered his face. He didn't want to see Spencer's disgust for him, because he was already disgusted enough with himself. "I'm sorry," he managed to choke out, before he broke down into sobs.

Billy wasn't sure how long he was crying before he felt Spencer gently tug at his arm. He sniffled pathetically, looking down at Spencer with a pout. "I'm sorry," he said again.

"You don't have to be," Spencer said gently. "I... I feel the same, Billy."

The words didn't comfort Billy as much as they probably should have. Spencer seemed to pick up on this, and pulled Billy into a hug.

It took a while for Billy to calm down, and once he was, they had a long, serious discussion about where to place the boundaries in the relationship. Billy pretty much gave Spencer all the power - though it was for his own comfort more than it was for Spencer's.

Spencer probably knew that, but he didn't say anything.

* * *

**Three**

* * *

Billy stared down at the bed quietly, refusing to look at Spencer's face.

"Billy, you can look at me, you know."

That was the problem. He was allowed to look now, but he still felt like he wasn't supposed to.

Billy took a deep breath, and closed his eyes. Slowly, he lifted his head, and opened his eyes to meet Spencer's gaze.

"There you go," Spencer said soothingly. "We're not doing anything yet. You don't have to be scared."

"I feel like I should be saying that to you," Billy said bitterly. It bugged him how he was the one who had to be taken care of in this relationship - it bugged him that Spencer was just... Completely fine with what he felt. Why couldn't he have that confidence?

"Billy," Spencer said softly, gently chastising Billy for losing focus of what was happening.

Right.

Spencer gently reached out and placed a hand behind Billy's head. He leaned in. Billy closed his eyes, and tried not to tense up.

Their lips met. Warmth spread through Billy, and disgusted little butterflies swarmed in his stomach. He managed to hold the kiss for six seconds - two longer than last time - before he had to pull himself away.

Spencer smiled gently at him, trying to coax him out of the self-hatred Billy was feeling.

"Billy, it was consensual. I consented," he said, trying to be as soothing as possible. "Deep breaths, okay? Wait, do those help you?"

Billy nodded a little, and started to take deep breaths. Spencer coaxed him through it, gentle and caring.

At this rate, Billy thought bitterly, they would never get to where Spencer clearly wanted to be in their relationship. He was ready for sex, had told Billy he was, and yet Billy couldn't even kiss Spencer for more than ten seconds without wanting to shrivel away into nothingness.

But Spencer was being so patient, so understanding. "L-let's try again," he said once he felt that he could go one more time. Spencer beamed.

He had to get past this.

* * *

**Bonus**

* * *

They had been dating for a year and a half when Billy finally felt that he was ready.

"Are you sure?" Spencer asked from his place under Billy. Once again, Billy felt that he should be the one asking that, but he shoved the thought away before he could get distracted.

"I'm sure," he said, leaning down to press a kiss to Spencer's lips. He pressed inside, as slowly and gently as he could. He felt Spencer gasp against his lips, and he froze, waiting for Spencer to give a soft hum, urging him to continue.

It took a few minutes, with Billy freezing every time Spencer's breath hitched or every time Spencer whimpered, but eventually he was fully inside him. Billy swallowed thickly, staring down at Spencer.

His distant cousin's son. A boy seven years younger than he. And where, just last year, he would have been horrified with himself, at this moment in time, he felt nothing but love and joy.

Billy pressed another kiss to his lips. "I love you."

 

 


End file.
